Today I want to talk to you about your ass, or we might also talk about your bottom, or your rear, or your posterior – that’s an old-fashioned word I remember from when I was younger – I’m not sure if you’re watching this in America what else you would call it, but there’s probably hundreds of words about our bottoms.
For me, when I think about my bottom, my ass, in terms of Tantra there’s a very different way of exploring your ass than I would say is typical. So typically in gay sex we use our bottoms to get fucked, we use our bottoms to release fecal matter, to have a poo, to have a shit.
In my experience when I’ve had sex with different men, I’d have done that would you believe it, sometimes the ass can get very, very complicated. There’s kind of lots of fears, some people will say that they can’t take a big cock, they’re not comfortable being bottoms. Then there’s also the stuff around being a power bottom and I’m gonna talk a little bit about that in a moment. Just basically whenever you bring the ass into gay sex it can all get a little bit complicated and there’s so much going on. One of the reasons might be around what that is, about why is that.
Now for me in Tantra we work with the masculine and we work with the feminine. There isn’t man and woman, that’s just a masculine energy and a feminine energy. My belief in Tantra is that everybody has both of those energies going on in themselves.
For those of you that know about your chakras, there’s some chakras that are very aligned to the masculine energy and there’s also other chakras that are aligned to the feminine energy. Basically they kind of weave through the body and then they meet at the of the crown or above the crown chakra to create what we call this state of bliss.
So your arse is actually in Tantra the start of your feminine energy, it’s the place where the your feminine energy starts. Now, what is feminine energy? Well, for me, if you imagine that all of your life’s experiences, all of the things that have happened to you in your life – good, bad, traumatic, abusive, beautiful, loving, everything – basically they’re all experienced by all of the chakras. It’s a bit like a sound storm, and they kind of all slowly come down your body and it kind of settles in the pelvic area, it’s kind of held within the arse, all within that that pelvic area.
For me one of the feminine qualities is about the holder of emotions, and it’s the holder of emotions from all of your life’s experiences. Now I don’t if you’ve ever had your ass fingered or your ass played with, and slowly your ass opens, and for me there’s a vulnerability in that.
The feminine energy is about vulnerability, it’s about emotion, but don’t be don’t be foiled by thinking it’s all meek. The container the feminine energy is actually the container for the masculine energy, for your cock energy, to sit inside. The feminine energy is receptive, it’s holding, it’s loving, it’s like the heart is the center of the feminine energy and it’s the holder of receptivity.
So being able to receive and being able to experience, there’s lots of other qualities but those are the ones that come to my mind first. So it’s like if you imagined that your masculine energy was always pushing, and trying to achieve, and being very goal orientated, and being all about power, and being all about raw sex, that’s a really lovely thing. But if that was all of who you are, then that would kind of get a bit boring.
Afterward I’d be like, imagine a tray of gorgeous chocolate eclair cakes, the first one you eat is lovely all these beautiful sensations through your body, the second one is maybe not as good as the first one but it was still good, by the third one you’re starting to get what eat me, by the fourth one start to get a little bit filled up, and by about the seventh one you’re like “okay no more, no more, don’t give me any more.”
For me the same thing is about masculine energy and feminine energy. If you’re always in the masculine energy, after a while that can get a bit boring. The way that I know that is I sometimes get emails that talk about being bored in sex doing the same role, playing the same thing, doing the same thing.
One reason could be that you’re very much in your masculine energy, but actually never really explored the feminine energy – explored your ass, because who would want to make themselves vulnerable right? Why would you want to do that?
Let me tell you, I’m going to give you the perfect answer about why you would want to make yourself vulnerable. When you’re vulnerable you’re receiving, you’re receptive, and there’s experiences and sensations when you’re in control with the masculine.
The masculine energy pushes outwards whereas the feminine energy receives inwards. For me there’s something about balance and starting to develop a relationship with your ass, developing a relationship with your feminine energy, and developing a relationship inside yourself about how these can kind of both sit together.
In Tantric terms, the feminine energy is as equally important as the masculine energy but there’s often a catharsis process that needs to be gone through to allow yourself to trust and be vulnerable, to really go into being receptive, to being in your feminine energy.
Sometimes when we start to do anal massage within Tantra, actually the first few times it can feel uncomfortable, it can feel intense, it can feel really, really powerful. For me there’s something about learning to let go. In life we’re often told that to get something more right you have to try harder, you have to push harder, you have to be more masculine. I don’t believe that’s the whole story. I think that’s half right, but the other half, the feminine is about allowing, it’s about receiving, it’s about expanding, it’s about letting go.
Sometimes the best experiences that you can have, are not about trying harder but are more about letting go. In Tantra your ass is holding every single life experience that you’ve had, and so as you go through the process of anal massage, as you go through the process of breathing up the emotions that are therein and expressing them, there’s kind of a release.
If you struggle with control or you struggle to let go in life, anal massage is absolutely the way to go. I facilitate that in my trainings because I feel that there something about care and there’s something about safety and there’s something about the person doing it being trained to know what they’re doing because it’s the most vulnerable part of you.
I wanted to talk to you today a little bit about the ass, a little bit about its relationship to feminine energy, and basically the relationship of Tantra with that and how anal massage is a healing and cathartic process to allow you to be more let go, to allow you to be more receptive, to enable you to be able to receive.
When I look at gay sex, anal massage can sometimes be confused with anal pleasure. I think there’s two things that the arse is good for – there is the catharsis process that I’m talking about and that’s one thing, but there’s also the other thing around the arse being the source of pleasure.
Typically in gay sex we’re kind of fucking there, see there’s fast and there’s kind of going going at it, but there’s actually another layer of magic underneath that. When you’re fucking somebody, if you’re receiving it, there’s places where it touches where you feel such a resonance, it’s gonna sound a bit huki huki, it can feel that the whole universe is fucking you, it can feel like there’s a magic that’s there that kind of opens and expands you and grows you.
So next time you’re getting fucked, kind of start as a meditation, looking for the place where there’s magic. Because I think the ass gets a bad rap and it can be complicated and it is stuff to unravel, but there’s also a much deeper sense of profoundness, of magic, of beauty. There’s really a lot there to explore.
I was going to talk earlier about power bottoms, and that’s kind of been a new term in the last five to ten years, about your own power bottom and that’s a beautiful thing. But my question to power bottoms is about are they actually trying to use the masculine energy in a feminine context; is it all about pushing, fighting and going at it, is it all about that or is there something about when you’re being fucked to allowing yourself to be vulnerable and receptive like I was talking about earlier.
For me power bottoms, if they’re wanting to be fucked from the masculine, power bottoms are great, but I think there’s something about not getting confused with the other opportunities that are there – the catharsis and finding the magic in being fucked. So I think there’s kind of three things as I’m talking to you that are available there.
So some ideas. Have a listen, have a play, and next time that you’re in anal play maybe have a think about some of the things that I’ve mentioned today. I hope this serves you, I hope you’ve enjoyed it, and there’s more from me soon. Take care, blessings, bye-bye.